Losing weight is hard. Being overweight is hard. CHOOSE YOUR HARD.
I’m not sure how much weight the average American gains during the holiday season (where my researchers at?) but for me it’s usually about 10lbs. Every year as the holidays approach I tell myself: this year I’m not going to gain a bunch of weight like I did last year. But then I dress up like a unicorn, go to a Halloween party, and several drinks in I’m doing the twist and snatching the TWIX. No? Just me?
After October came Eric’s birthday in New Orleans, then Thanksgiving (which by the way is ALL about eating…terribly unfair) and soon CHRISTMAS. The parties have started and once again, here I am, mid December already 10 lbs heavier and we still have New Years for God’s sake somebody SAVE ME.
Trying to pinpoint WHY I fall off the wagon is like chasing a leaf in the wind. Some of it is seasonal. I don’t want to hit the gym at 6am when it’s 32 degrees outside and by the time the day is over I certainly don’t want go to a yoga class. I want to curl up with my puppy, turn on the fireplace and binge on trashy reality TV…Kardashians and Mob Wives here I come. I crave comfort food and sweets when it’s raining. I love Chinese take out and anything that doesn’t require me to cook. Furthermore, a few times a year, I feel like I deserve (that’s a dangerous word) a break from my all of my hard work, meal prepping, calorie counting, and overall discipline. The vicious cycle of not wanting to do the work but wanting the results goes on and on and I can rationalize anything.
Now you may be asking, really…Beth you’ve had weight loss surgery how can you gain the weight back so easily? There is a common misconception that weight loss surgery is the easy way out. Well let me tell you, there is some hard work that comes with it. Prior to my procedure I had to diet, exercise and carry out an intense liquid only meal plan. In the year after my surgery I followed my Doctor’s guidelines to a T. I ate roughly 1000 calories per day spread across 5 meals. I got 45+ minutes of exercise at least four days per week. I had the minimum: protein shakes, almonds, blueberries, eggs, chicken, salmon, spinach, broccoli, apples … everything was unprocessed and clean. I had to be vigilant, always on, always focused. It was basically a part time job. Like the one you get at a crappy retail store at 16 and wish you got paid more.
For a while I did this job well. I lost weight and was a bonafide success story. Fitting into clothes I never thought would be able to wear and stepping into a confidence that felt real and long-lasting. But an interesting thing happened. After about a year my once gone hunger pains and food cravings came back. I started to overeat. It got harder. Different body, same thoughts, same emotions. All the sudden, I had to deal with all of ME.
Today my stomach is roughly the size of 2-year old’s and I can eat about 1 cup of food at a time. It is paramount that I count my calories and monitor my intake. If I stray, I gain weight, and the pressure is on. Paradoxically, it is easier for my body to process unhealthy food and I find I can eat more junk food before getting full versus healthy food like protein and vegetables. A REAL BITCH RIGHT? This whole journey and the way for me and my tiny stomach to eat more food is to eat the processed SNACK food or I fill up in minutes.
All in all, holiday or not, what was 20lbs left to lose is now 30lbs left to lose and I need to find a way to focus my mind, body, soul, and take care of myself along the way. All parts of me. And that’s the thing. THIS IS MY HARD. No one can save me but me and with a long-standing history of overeating, body image issues, and food addiction, it’s not as simple as wishing (You hear me Santa?) but DOING. DOING DOING DOING and doing even when all the compulsive annoying pathways in my brain tell me to stop and give in. I have to fight this every single day. Ultimately I need to ask myself … how bad do I really want it? Am I willing to do what it takes? Commitment, dedication, sacrifice? The answer is HELL YES. I will cross the finish line.
Anyone else working to lose weight, whether 20-30lbs or more? Anyone else out there struggling with post weight-loss surgery life? I know you may just be here for my jokes and good looks, LOL, but if your here for MORE, I invite you join me on this next phase of my journey. I am going to document this with before pictures, share my progress, and talk about my challenges because, I know there will be many and I know they are not unique to me. It’s time to put my money where my mouth is (but like, organic, healthy, lightly salted money?). Let’s do this thing. I welcome your suggestions, words of encouragement, recipes, meal plans and life advice.
Love, Lashes, and Lipstick,