“Now that we found love what are we going to do with it?”
– Heavy D and the Boyz
As many of you already know I am getting married for the very 1st time (these days, gotta qualify) in October of this year and it feels WILD. What kind of bride will I be? Will I have my dog run down the aisle carrying rings? Will I be that girl at her bachelorette party wearing cheesy bride shirts, dancing on tables, and taking fruity shots? HELL YES I WILL. As I prepare for a life of commitment, partnership, and wife-hood I’m also curious about what this next chapter of my life will look like. Will it feel different? Will I change? How will we grow? Everything we know about humankind says we need people. More specifically, we need a tribe, belonging, and love. We don’t just want people here and there we want to know them and we want to be known.
In April of this year Eric and I will celebrate our three year anniversary and when we get married we will have been together for three and a half years. For some of you, this may seem minor but for me this is a big deal because my experiences with long term relationships have been checkered. I was engaged in my early thirties (See previous blog posts for deets) but other than Eric, most of my relationships have been short lived, on and off failures, or lacking serious substance. I have had lots of experience with first dates, even second dates (GO ME), and I’m an expert at the honeymoon period. That’s the fun part. That’s the easy part. Lust, newness, excitement, spontaneity, and being endlessly curious about this new person in your life. It’s like being in the shallow end of swimming pool with a floppy hat, cute shades, and a cocktail enjoying the warm sun on your face. No wonder I’m great at it.
As a twenty-something I never understood marriage. It seemed to me, from the outside, to be lacking in joy and excitement. The words routine and bland come to mind. Lots of salad without dressing . . . and you know how I feel about salad without dressing. What I’ve come to learn about this once undesirable boring life, now that I am fully one of those couples that strolls through Home Depot just for shits and giggles on Sunday, is that long term commitment ALSO comes so much more. I know now that commitment is routine but in this stage of my life routine is becoming more comfortable. I know now that along with the day in and day out work of committing to someone you also get these great additional benefits. You get to dig deep, get comfortable, and build a life that feels truly and utterly safe. You are held by this person and all the sudden it is so much better than being single, wild, and free. The hot honeymoon steaminess doesn’t go away but it evolves as your love grows. It’s not gone, it’s different, it’s better. I look back at my younger self like girrrrrrl you don’t even KNOW what your missing. But it’s OK. Because we all come to it in our own time.
I heard once, from a friend, that you should write down all the qualities you want in a partner and refer to it when thinking of committing to someone or not. If they don’t have the qualities on your list, skip em’. THANK U NEXT. There’s like billions of people on the earth. But if they do, keep going and find out more. I thought it would be fun to challenge you all to make your own list. What are the top qualities in a partner that you WANT. KEYWORD WANT. I’m not talking about what you think you can get or should maybe have. I’m sayin’, write down your damn dream love and then wait until you find it. Take this from the Queen Batch (that’s me), someone who spent way too much time settling. Be specific, be bold, write it down. I’ll go first but I hope yours will be much more extensive. When your done, POST BELOW. #teambatch
The Batch Challenge: Top Desired Qualities in a Partner
ACCEPTANCE / OPEN MIND
ABLE TO BE VULNERABLE
KINDNESS (Towards me and Others)
Recently at my good friend’s wedding her Dad said, “Marriage isn’t hard, LIFE is hard” and I remember thinking to myself damn TRUTHBOMB and that’s what I want to remember as I move into the next phase of my life and relationship. My partnership is everything because it includes everything. We have designed our lives to honor and accommodate each other. He is my ride or die, my biggest cheerleader, the one who will push me when I don’t want to be pushed, and the one who sees me. Hear that marriage? I ain’t scared. I’m READY.
Love, Lashes and Lipstick
Check out the link below for some fun facts on the benefits of commitment: